Loner

I realized today I am horrible at having more than a handful of friends.  I have my very closest friends that I know whats going on all the time with them, then I have friends I talk to every now and then but really don't keep up with at all.  I've noticed I do not respond to texts fast at all.  In fact, most of the time I forget to text back unless it's one of my closest friends.

I really am quite a loner.  I enjoyed myself today being out by the river, sitting on a bench in the middle of nature immersing myself in rich words on paper.  That solitude made me more peaceful than I've been in a long time.  I was able to express exactly the words I needed to write and I enjoyed being alone, not having to talk to anyone or think about color formulation. 

I don't think this is selfish.  It's just how I'm made.  I talk about how I don't have any friends around because of college, to do anything with, but I think if I had any that weren't the close friends I'm with whenever they're here, I wouldn't really care.  Because I can go places and do things on my own.  Why should I bore myself by hanging out with everybody I know and kinda am friends with.  I already have a difficult enough time making plans with people I went to cosmetology school.  I'd go crazy if there were more to make plans with.

I am a loner.  If you are in my circle and know every little detail about me, you're there for good.  If you're not in the circle, I'm already settled in my ways.  The chances of getting in the circle are slim.  I just can't remember to stay connected with people I rarely talk to.  It's somewhat sad, but at the same time,  sitting by a river collecting my own thoughts and not someone elses, is terribly wonderful and encouraging.