My Love Of Youtube

Oh youtube.  I can't help it, I am addicted. Obviously.  I can barely keep up blogposts because I'm on youtube more than anything! Including facebook.  I love watching other videos, making my own videos and that annoying feeling you get when you see you lost a subscriber but go back later and have gained 5 more.  Youtube is most certainly my addiction, my escape from everything.  It's a great invention.  Now if only I had a million dollars to set up my own little studio where I could have all the different walls and settings in my head out in real life.  I tend to think huge when the budget is nill.  But, nevertheless..we continue to make videos and watch and laugh and tear up and sigh.  It's such a fun thing.  So of the maybe, 2...3 at most people who come to this page, forgive me.  I'll try to remember you blog, but youtube stole my heart first.

I leave you with one of the hilarious videos I just watched!
Youtube

Positivity

Today I ran into the issue of not knowing how exactly to put into words why I stay positive.  So it's stayed in my head as I've been trying to figure it out. 

How do you put into words for someone you care about why you are a positive and happy person and the reasons you want them to be as well? 

It's just natural for me to be positive and happy.  Sure I have my down days, I had a really down whole period of time as well, but I can't allow myself to dwell on past occurrences and questions I don't know the answers to and bring my spirits down.   So I don't think of the past and I try to savor the present.  One wouldn't swallow whole an expensive steak they had sit in front of them simply because they were hungry.  You take it in small pieces, bite by bite enjoying all the flavors mixed into it.  I guess that's how I see life.  The moments we have right now are most important.  Taking in all that goes on and enjoying it as it happens.  That's what keeps me positive, the little things that happen each day that make me smile.

But why is it we as humans start feeling for others and want to share our happiness with them?  It hasn't been until now that I felt that I really wanted someone else to feel as happy just in general as I do.  What triggers that feeling?  I feel like I'm asking  more questions than I'm actually explaining, but that's how it seems to be in my mind. 

Since God gave us this life, I feel like it should be a wonderful journey.  Sure, I'd love to have my friends around me everyday and be in love again, but I'm not at that point right now.  So I take it a step at a time and enjoy the scenery. One of my happy songs that I really love is called "Brand New Day" by Joshua Radin.  It talks about the sun is shining on a brand new day and lots of positive things.  But it is true, everyday is a new opportunity to have a wonderful adventure. So why not jump on the ride and go?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhUfVcLLvjo

Memories of High School

This picture isn't what inspired this blog, but it has two of the people in the video most. =]




So I found the slide show of high school that I made at the end of that journey.  I hadn't watched it in quite a while.  But in watching it, I realized a lot of things.  Of course it's too long and the site won't let me post it, but I can still talk about it!  Through the whole thing I laughed and I cried, I smiled and my heart hurt a little, but at the end, I realized how different I am now.  Already I've grown so much from it.  But I also saw that without sarah and kaitlin, I wouldn't have had much fun.  If there are two people in the world that were meant to be my sisters, they would be that for sure.  So here I go specifically talking to some of the people in the video just for the heck of it. (And yes, if you know me, the first love is going to be addressed, I'm that ballsey now. woot!)

Sarah - Certainly the one friend in 6th grade I never knew I would be so close to.  I don't even think we ever had a class together..maybe one...not sure.  But I know that anything I need at all she's there.  If either of us are down,  the other must drag them to the car and go driving to sing "Naturally" at the top of our lungs to get in a better mood.  It's nice knowing I have a friend that would be there for anything.  Plus we can both be crazy together.  I mean look, we have a youtube channel full of music videos, obviously we're different. But I wouldn't change that for anything.  And looking at that video of high school, I know, especially when I was so down and depressed, I have no idea how I would have EVERRR made it through without this one.  She listened to me repeat things over and over and over about how horrible I thought life was and how I just wanted to die.  I'm surprised she didn't just kill me out of pure frustration of repetition. But she didn't, and I know she wouldn't, and she's a wonderful friend for all of that.

Kaitlin - The other part of my group of three.  I wouldn't take anything in the world for having two best friends.  High school was the 4 years we became closer yet also changed drastically.  I was there from her massive crushes on different boys to her telling me that one had done it all.  It's a difficult thing accepting that someone you care about was not cared for by someone they once cared about.  But through all those boys we learned plenty of things and I know Kaitlin will always be there as well.  I'm honestly glad we were at completely different high schools because that's what helped us stay such good friends.  Even though she introduced me to the next person, whom I have no desire to speak good things of, reality is, when she introduced me and him, she introduced me to life and what really happens, instead of the magical fairy tale I thought it was.  And for that I thank her.

Nathan - Oh boy, the first love.  Where do I dare start.  It's actually interesting I feel comfortable enough to talk about him online for people to see now, but honestly if he were to see this today I wouldn't care.  He was my first relationship ever.  First boyfriend, first kiss, first date.  All of those things that happen in high school, he was (keep in mind though I am a good girl, he wasn't the first everything because I'm saving a lot).  But, now nearly two years after being rid of him I can honestly watch that video and see what we shared, appreciate it, and move on.  I won't deny that I loved him.  Because I did with every ounce of my being.  But there's different types of people out there, and when it comes to values of self he needed someone more...let's just say giving.  But,  if it weren't for him I still wouldn't know what love is.  So I'm happy sitting here knowing that one day there is someone that will love me for everything that I am and not care that I want to wait.  I know about romance because of this guy and I can't wait to share with someone my whole romantic world.  God works in wondrous ways and I thought I had everything when I was with Nathan when in reality I had nothing.  But God gave me him to show me how to love and to know that not everything is perfect so don't expect it to be.  Therefore Nathan will always be a small piece of my heart, but he will never have hold of it or be in it again.  My heart belongs to whoever it is out there for me that actually deserves it.

Courtney - She was only at my school for about a year and a half, but during that time we were great friends.  We even went and met Teddy Geiger together (which interestingly enough I barely remember..I guess I wasn't as big a fan of him as I thought.)  But, as strange as those first few years of high school are, she was a great friend and meant quite a lot.

Laura - yes, mrs. condimine (maybe I spelled it right, maybe not) was a pretty important part too.  Although she referred to me as courtney's friend for the longest time, she was really there when I needed her most.  I guess I would have had to go to subway all alone and cry in the corner by myself with everyone watching if she hadn't been there to go with me.  We went so much that they knew our orders. It was great.  And being in Romeo and Juliet in the same family was fun too.

Mrs.Strong/Theatre - I found myself when I found theatre.  I never would have dreamed I could have found such a love.  Walking into that first theatre class I was this shy awkward girl who didn't know how to socially interact with people she didn't know and was rarely loud.  It really helped me come out of my shell and find who I really am.  My love for being on stage started burning passionately and has yet to be put out.  As M'Lynn in Steel Magnolias I had my first big role in a production.  I actually had to cry at the end and have a break down and the feeling I got from actually being able to do that after so many rehearsals, couldn't possibly be described to anyone who has never felt it.  Mrs. Bradman was certainly the role I had to explore all sorts of things.  I took a drab old british woman and made her a hott little double d alcoholic.  And as the Nurse in Romeo and Juliet I certainly got to explore the many different emotions of an older person.  I don't know what it is about crying on stage but I absolutely love it!  Those three were just the big roles I had.  There were countless hours of scene work with so many different plays and I loved every single minute of it.  Theatre is the only thing I miss about high school. 

My family - For sure a huge part of ones life.  Enough said.  My family was there  through all the things I did.  From all the chorus shows (and me being a chorus brat) to the change over to my love of theatre to the dark days of me being love sick.  That is what family is all about.


I'm glad I watched that whole video (and honestly if you are still reading this you get a giant hug from me because idk who would want to hear me go on and on) but I did realize I'm a grown up now.  Which is weird.  But I don't think I'm to the point yet where I'm with the adults who are married with babies and all that junk.  Bleh.  I most certainly want to be married one day..and have kids..several years after, but that's certainly not for me right now.  I'm just enjoying being happy in my skin and loving those around me for who they are. I guess you could say I'm in between beings a teen and being a complete adult.  And I like it that way..for now.

Declaration of My Youth!

I dont know what it is about this week, but it has just sucked.  And today was the icing to the cake.  I won't bore you with details,  I just have to say...I DO NOT HAVE A BABY OR CHILD NOR DO I LOOK LIKE I SHOULD!!! 

Ok, that feels better,  this sounds more like in the style of sarah's writing, but I really must vent somewhere.  I'm so tired of babies and being asked if I have babies and being told about how I'll be when I have babies.  I am 20 years old!  I have no desire to have a baby right now and I do not want to know anything about how I will be once I do.  I do not want to know about putting a pump up to my boobs to suck out milk, I do not want to know about a kid kicking you on the inside, and I do not want to hear about how tired I one day will be because of one.  I just want to feel like my own age again.  Sometimes I think working with the public this young is just stupid of me.  Yes I'm making money and saving it,  but where do I draw the line to keep my sanity.  You would think I ran a nursery instead of working in a hair salon.  I hear about crying babies, passifires, due dates and diaper bags much more than the average 20 year old and I really don't know how much more I can take of it.

Another thing that drives me crazy is people who think they know what they're talking about and won't listen to me try and explain something.  If your scalp looks purple it is because you are white...your scalp has no sun therefore a black/violet based color is going to stain your scalp, don't have a cow on me, you wanted your hair that way.  I just really don't understand where people are coming from.  I can't wait for the day I have a whole line of clients who know that I do not have a baby and that I know what I'm talking about when I tell them things about their hair.

I'm truly not this negative normally,  this was just the worst day ever and I tried venting to someone, but of course he didn't have much to say,  so I'm letting it all out on here.  Thanks for listening.

<3