Never Grow Up

Current Song: Taylor Swift - Never Grow Up

How true is this song?!?! It's ridiculously true.  If I were writing this song it would cover how Christmas was so much more magical when you were little, snow was pleasurable because you didn't have to go to school, and you had no idea what love was except that of your mom and dad and whole family and maybe your best friend at school.

It's funny how as you get older,  Christmas traditions fade away and that magical feeling isn't there like it used to be.  You realize it's the day to celebrate the birth of Jesus.  That if that day had never happened, we wouldn't have had him here to die for us.  But the mystery of Santa was always so intriguing.  A little jolly man bringing us all presents in the night.  I wish it were real.  I wish I still had that innocence of not knowing that it's just a myth.

Snow is something I don't think I've ever been fond of.  But at least when I was little, it got me out of school.  I remember one year making so many beaded necklaces and key chains and stuff because we had so many snow days.  I always loved the crafty stuff.  Now, snow comes, and I'm stuck inside.  If I miss work, I don't make money.  Now mind you, at this point if I found true love I'd run faster than you could possibly think from money and live off the effervescence of pure passion and love.  But snow is wet and cold and just not fun.  I miss green grass and daises blooming.  Buttercups popping up on the sides of my driveway.  If any flowers wanted to bloom now, they'd never make it...which is depressing.

And love.  Real love. True, pure, passionate love.  It's a beautiful thing we're born not knowing what that is.  That when we're little our daddies are our heros and mom's are the queens of our lives.  That we make best friends in elementary school and tell them we love them and will be friends forever only to realize that forever doesn't go past middle school.  But love of your family never leaves.  Love of your little friends leaves but you're not broken.  You have so many crushes, but the thing is they never find out.  That's the beauty of discovering love.  You don't really get hurt.  But then you do find your first love once you're not little anymore.  And you're naive and believe he only loves you and wants you forever.  But of course that's not always the case.  If I were talking to me as a little girl I'd have to tell her that her prince she dreamed of all the time was not quite the prince she thought.  That through their whole relationship there was always a girl tugging him away only to lead to the final ending when one of them actually succeed. 
But that's ok little Meg, it's a great learning experience.  You realize you learned a lot from him.  It may take you a couple years to completely accept what happened and move on, but you will move on.  Just know, that along the journey you're going to meet many other possibilities.  But you just can't keep your mouth shut.  Those middle school crushes you never told, but now..now you constantly put your foot in your mouth.  But once again, you'll learn.  Accept where you are in life now and be happy with it.  As an early on hopeless romantic, it doesn't help that I always want a fairytale.  Fairytales don't exactly exist though.  You just gotta go with the flow and see where God leads you next.

Oh little Meg, you are my favorite.  I wish I were as blinded to life as you.  It makes the world so much more beautiful. 
<3

(aren't you happy I actually wrote a long one for once? this is just rare =])

Four and a half days

Four and a half days till a tiny Christmas break.
21 years old, all my friends are getting giant Christmas breaks.  I get 2 and a half days.
College vs. Career

I honestly don't know which is better.  Personally in both you still sit here anticipating real life to truley start happening, yet you sit, stuck at 21 waiting and waiting and waiting and working and working and working.

Oh well, at least I have a few more days off for the new year.

Just thought I'd update my two people that look here. 

Oh, and henrietta died =[  good little computer.  she will be missed.  thus, I am forced to use the internet of the dinosaur.  Therefore I can't watch anything on youtube!!! I'm going crazy!!! But hopefully my new laptop will be here soon.

OH. wow its funny how you think of things when you're not tryin to think of them.  I actually..FINALLY started writing in a real diary again!  I took about a year and a half break, the things I had begun writing were too dark.  But I wrote for the first time again the other night and it felt good.  It's the actual real stuff in my head that I would never put out here =p. therefore the paper will most likely be hearing more from me. 

YAY!
=]

Excecise, the "Coma" and Best Friends Birthday

Oh exercise. We've never been all that close but suddenly I feel our friendship is going to be  a good one. 

Actually it's true, I've never been one to enjoy exercising.  Yes I love going out to the Eno, but the majority of my life I complained about the hills.  The one time I enjoyed doing squats was only because I was depressed from losing a lover and had completely lost my butt.  Therefore I'd put all my frustration into the squats and getting that butt back. (Cause I mean really...a flat butt is not good.)

But now I've actually been instructed as to what kind of exercise is best for me and what I want.  I started on my Birthday, which will be great for keeping up with how long I've been doing it.  So far less than a week. But tonight I actually got up to 10 in whatever these crunch things are I'm doing and this thing called the "superman".  The scissor things and twistie thing I can do for longer than 30 seconds now.  And it actually feels good.  I'm rather satisfied with myself.  I've just got to keep it up.  Image in head: Next summer...my super cute bikini I already have on this new toned shape I will have. yes.  It does sound quite lovely.

So the coma I was in last time.  Well, I think it's a permanent coma right now.  It's interesting how just someones touch can make you high, but it can.  And that person being one of your dearest friends doesn't help either.  I have no idea really what to say anymore on the matter, I just love the state it's in right now. 

Andddd last but not least, its Sarah's Birthday!!!!!!!  Happy Birthday!!!  I figure it's only proper to comment on it as she is the only person who will most likely read this.  Haha. Just kidding.  But she does deserve a special shout out.  When you've been friends with a person since they were 12 and they're now turning 20, that's pretty crazy!  Now we're in a whole new decade!  Who knows where we'll be by the end of this decade of 20 somethings.  Personally I think it's the most transitional age decade and biggest for self discovery.  Yes Sarah, I'm still wishing you a happy birthday but I'm also reflecting on this whole getting older thing. 
I know personally since turning 20 and now sitting at 21 I've realized quite a bit about myself that I didn't before.  I'm certainly learning patience of many forms right now.  It's interesting thinking about the future as well.  Like babies.  I know for sure I absolutely do not want a baby until at the least my very late 20's.  Which is funny because as a teen I always thought I should follow like everyone in my family, get married around 19/20 and have a kid soon after.  I think I might go crazy if that were the case right now.  But it is ironic that my first relationship was going down that path.  Thank you Jesus that it ended and I'm not sitting at home with a crying kid with him away sleeping with who knows how many easy girls.  Excuse my openness.   But the whole point is that as you come to each birthday you learn many new things about yourself.  That's the only thing I feel changes about Birthdays.  I never feel any older, just some what wiser.

NEW BLOG

So, as I have pointed out before I AM HORRIBLE AT THIS!!

that is all.  I don't know what else to say on the matter.



November thus far started out looking like it would be like normal terrible novembers but has turned into a dream.  I am probably in a coma.  Maybe that's why I can't keep this thing updated.  I fell into a wonderful coma that I refuse to wake up from. 

Yaay!

My Love Of Youtube

Oh youtube.  I can't help it, I am addicted. Obviously.  I can barely keep up blogposts because I'm on youtube more than anything! Including facebook.  I love watching other videos, making my own videos and that annoying feeling you get when you see you lost a subscriber but go back later and have gained 5 more.  Youtube is most certainly my addiction, my escape from everything.  It's a great invention.  Now if only I had a million dollars to set up my own little studio where I could have all the different walls and settings in my head out in real life.  I tend to think huge when the budget is nill.  But, nevertheless..we continue to make videos and watch and laugh and tear up and sigh.  It's such a fun thing.  So of the maybe, 2...3 at most people who come to this page, forgive me.  I'll try to remember you blog, but youtube stole my heart first.

I leave you with one of the hilarious videos I just watched!
Youtube

Positivity

Today I ran into the issue of not knowing how exactly to put into words why I stay positive.  So it's stayed in my head as I've been trying to figure it out. 

How do you put into words for someone you care about why you are a positive and happy person and the reasons you want them to be as well? 

It's just natural for me to be positive and happy.  Sure I have my down days, I had a really down whole period of time as well, but I can't allow myself to dwell on past occurrences and questions I don't know the answers to and bring my spirits down.   So I don't think of the past and I try to savor the present.  One wouldn't swallow whole an expensive steak they had sit in front of them simply because they were hungry.  You take it in small pieces, bite by bite enjoying all the flavors mixed into it.  I guess that's how I see life.  The moments we have right now are most important.  Taking in all that goes on and enjoying it as it happens.  That's what keeps me positive, the little things that happen each day that make me smile.

But why is it we as humans start feeling for others and want to share our happiness with them?  It hasn't been until now that I felt that I really wanted someone else to feel as happy just in general as I do.  What triggers that feeling?  I feel like I'm asking  more questions than I'm actually explaining, but that's how it seems to be in my mind. 

Since God gave us this life, I feel like it should be a wonderful journey.  Sure, I'd love to have my friends around me everyday and be in love again, but I'm not at that point right now.  So I take it a step at a time and enjoy the scenery. One of my happy songs that I really love is called "Brand New Day" by Joshua Radin.  It talks about the sun is shining on a brand new day and lots of positive things.  But it is true, everyday is a new opportunity to have a wonderful adventure. So why not jump on the ride and go?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhUfVcLLvjo

Memories of High School

This picture isn't what inspired this blog, but it has two of the people in the video most. =]




So I found the slide show of high school that I made at the end of that journey.  I hadn't watched it in quite a while.  But in watching it, I realized a lot of things.  Of course it's too long and the site won't let me post it, but I can still talk about it!  Through the whole thing I laughed and I cried, I smiled and my heart hurt a little, but at the end, I realized how different I am now.  Already I've grown so much from it.  But I also saw that without sarah and kaitlin, I wouldn't have had much fun.  If there are two people in the world that were meant to be my sisters, they would be that for sure.  So here I go specifically talking to some of the people in the video just for the heck of it. (And yes, if you know me, the first love is going to be addressed, I'm that ballsey now. woot!)

Sarah - Certainly the one friend in 6th grade I never knew I would be so close to.  I don't even think we ever had a class together..maybe one...not sure.  But I know that anything I need at all she's there.  If either of us are down,  the other must drag them to the car and go driving to sing "Naturally" at the top of our lungs to get in a better mood.  It's nice knowing I have a friend that would be there for anything.  Plus we can both be crazy together.  I mean look, we have a youtube channel full of music videos, obviously we're different. But I wouldn't change that for anything.  And looking at that video of high school, I know, especially when I was so down and depressed, I have no idea how I would have EVERRR made it through without this one.  She listened to me repeat things over and over and over about how horrible I thought life was and how I just wanted to die.  I'm surprised she didn't just kill me out of pure frustration of repetition. But she didn't, and I know she wouldn't, and she's a wonderful friend for all of that.

Kaitlin - The other part of my group of three.  I wouldn't take anything in the world for having two best friends.  High school was the 4 years we became closer yet also changed drastically.  I was there from her massive crushes on different boys to her telling me that one had done it all.  It's a difficult thing accepting that someone you care about was not cared for by someone they once cared about.  But through all those boys we learned plenty of things and I know Kaitlin will always be there as well.  I'm honestly glad we were at completely different high schools because that's what helped us stay such good friends.  Even though she introduced me to the next person, whom I have no desire to speak good things of, reality is, when she introduced me and him, she introduced me to life and what really happens, instead of the magical fairy tale I thought it was.  And for that I thank her.

Nathan - Oh boy, the first love.  Where do I dare start.  It's actually interesting I feel comfortable enough to talk about him online for people to see now, but honestly if he were to see this today I wouldn't care.  He was my first relationship ever.  First boyfriend, first kiss, first date.  All of those things that happen in high school, he was (keep in mind though I am a good girl, he wasn't the first everything because I'm saving a lot).  But, now nearly two years after being rid of him I can honestly watch that video and see what we shared, appreciate it, and move on.  I won't deny that I loved him.  Because I did with every ounce of my being.  But there's different types of people out there, and when it comes to values of self he needed someone more...let's just say giving.  But,  if it weren't for him I still wouldn't know what love is.  So I'm happy sitting here knowing that one day there is someone that will love me for everything that I am and not care that I want to wait.  I know about romance because of this guy and I can't wait to share with someone my whole romantic world.  God works in wondrous ways and I thought I had everything when I was with Nathan when in reality I had nothing.  But God gave me him to show me how to love and to know that not everything is perfect so don't expect it to be.  Therefore Nathan will always be a small piece of my heart, but he will never have hold of it or be in it again.  My heart belongs to whoever it is out there for me that actually deserves it.

Courtney - She was only at my school for about a year and a half, but during that time we were great friends.  We even went and met Teddy Geiger together (which interestingly enough I barely remember..I guess I wasn't as big a fan of him as I thought.)  But, as strange as those first few years of high school are, she was a great friend and meant quite a lot.

Laura - yes, mrs. condimine (maybe I spelled it right, maybe not) was a pretty important part too.  Although she referred to me as courtney's friend for the longest time, she was really there when I needed her most.  I guess I would have had to go to subway all alone and cry in the corner by myself with everyone watching if she hadn't been there to go with me.  We went so much that they knew our orders. It was great.  And being in Romeo and Juliet in the same family was fun too.

Mrs.Strong/Theatre - I found myself when I found theatre.  I never would have dreamed I could have found such a love.  Walking into that first theatre class I was this shy awkward girl who didn't know how to socially interact with people she didn't know and was rarely loud.  It really helped me come out of my shell and find who I really am.  My love for being on stage started burning passionately and has yet to be put out.  As M'Lynn in Steel Magnolias I had my first big role in a production.  I actually had to cry at the end and have a break down and the feeling I got from actually being able to do that after so many rehearsals, couldn't possibly be described to anyone who has never felt it.  Mrs. Bradman was certainly the role I had to explore all sorts of things.  I took a drab old british woman and made her a hott little double d alcoholic.  And as the Nurse in Romeo and Juliet I certainly got to explore the many different emotions of an older person.  I don't know what it is about crying on stage but I absolutely love it!  Those three were just the big roles I had.  There were countless hours of scene work with so many different plays and I loved every single minute of it.  Theatre is the only thing I miss about high school. 

My family - For sure a huge part of ones life.  Enough said.  My family was there  through all the things I did.  From all the chorus shows (and me being a chorus brat) to the change over to my love of theatre to the dark days of me being love sick.  That is what family is all about.


I'm glad I watched that whole video (and honestly if you are still reading this you get a giant hug from me because idk who would want to hear me go on and on) but I did realize I'm a grown up now.  Which is weird.  But I don't think I'm to the point yet where I'm with the adults who are married with babies and all that junk.  Bleh.  I most certainly want to be married one day..and have kids..several years after, but that's certainly not for me right now.  I'm just enjoying being happy in my skin and loving those around me for who they are. I guess you could say I'm in between beings a teen and being a complete adult.  And I like it that way..for now.

Declaration of My Youth!

I dont know what it is about this week, but it has just sucked.  And today was the icing to the cake.  I won't bore you with details,  I just have to say...I DO NOT HAVE A BABY OR CHILD NOR DO I LOOK LIKE I SHOULD!!! 

Ok, that feels better,  this sounds more like in the style of sarah's writing, but I really must vent somewhere.  I'm so tired of babies and being asked if I have babies and being told about how I'll be when I have babies.  I am 20 years old!  I have no desire to have a baby right now and I do not want to know anything about how I will be once I do.  I do not want to know about putting a pump up to my boobs to suck out milk, I do not want to know about a kid kicking you on the inside, and I do not want to hear about how tired I one day will be because of one.  I just want to feel like my own age again.  Sometimes I think working with the public this young is just stupid of me.  Yes I'm making money and saving it,  but where do I draw the line to keep my sanity.  You would think I ran a nursery instead of working in a hair salon.  I hear about crying babies, passifires, due dates and diaper bags much more than the average 20 year old and I really don't know how much more I can take of it.

Another thing that drives me crazy is people who think they know what they're talking about and won't listen to me try and explain something.  If your scalp looks purple it is because you are white...your scalp has no sun therefore a black/violet based color is going to stain your scalp, don't have a cow on me, you wanted your hair that way.  I just really don't understand where people are coming from.  I can't wait for the day I have a whole line of clients who know that I do not have a baby and that I know what I'm talking about when I tell them things about their hair.

I'm truly not this negative normally,  this was just the worst day ever and I tried venting to someone, but of course he didn't have much to say,  so I'm letting it all out on here.  Thanks for listening.

<3

A Rainy Day

So we got rained on. But it was funnnnn.  I absolutely love fall lately and I can't wait for October.  Pretty fall leaves, the fair, going to the stake house, the eno, the smells, the rain that has no thunder, it's just something about it all I love. I've always considered myself a summer lover, I do love summer, I hate what comes after fall because I hate being cold.  But fall itself I just love and am excited for.

It was nice to hang out with Kaitlin today.  There's just something about being able to be around your friends that you can really be yourself around instead of just going along with everything like with other people.  Plus, we passed a place at the Eno I haven't been by since the time I was so sad and everything ended right there.  I was pleasantly surprised to find out it had no effect on me what so ever.  Which is wonderful, proves even more I'm completely past it.

I must say her dog Molly is extremely adorable though.

Why am I on this site?

So, obviously I'm new here.  From the not so detailed profile to the small (well..nonexistent right now) amount of pictures, I literally am a little lost.  But I simply made this because of my best friend.  She was talking about how she wanted to make one and then was like..let's do it together!  Apparently we're trying to see who is more interesting.  (With as different as both of us are, of course it's gonna be a straight up obvious answer for anyone.  It's like questioning would you prefer mild salsa or super spicy hot.  We're just so opposite)

But I'm quite interested.  I kept a diary from Kindergarten through my senior year of highschool.  Well,  I would probably say halfway through senior year.  All the things I wrote the last part were so dark and depressing about how much I missed my first love, one would want to slit their wrist just reading it.  But I think this could be fun, considering I love writing.  However I'm not sure if I'll be able to maintain it daily, as I work all the time and have a slight (well..lets just say major!) youtube addiction =]

So I guess I should write about me.  Hmm.  If you know me you know me, if you don't you'll get to know me.  How bout today.  It was really an awful day.  I do hair.  And as much as I love my job, sometimes there are people who really bring you down.  I had a return, she's super sweet and I was very glad she came back (although I'm tired of constantly seeing people come to me and say the person before me cut their hair with a razor and they hate it).  But after her was a dreadful girl that really got me down.  I thought I'd get along with her. I mean she was quite nice.  But holy cow! She had to leave to do something by 5.  Now mind you , she got there a few minutes early, but she wanted a FULL head of highlights and lowlights.  Now the lowlights had to wait 40 mins before we could wash them out, and she nearly had a cow when she found that out!  Then once they were finally rinsed out I was trying to get her dry and all she did was watch her phone. Then she just got up and said I have to go! And ran out like I had done everything wrong. People, just don't know how to act.  And on her way out she asked if the manager was there.  She was told no, but technically she couldn't see Erin anyway even though she was there..she had to get out of there fast...did she forgot all her fit? haha people.

Besides a tiny handful of dreadful people, I really do love what I do.  Although it's pretty much all I do.  It's kinda hard getting adjusted to the fact I'm not in school anymore and my closest friends aren't around.  But I'm getting there.  But it'll probably be what I write most about =]